STAGES OF PERFECTION

     You were born at home, my brother, but in the big city, surrounded by a doctor and a nurse and the omnipresent vigilant look of grandmother Áurea. I was born in the middle of nowhere in an old stone house, only with the help of a midwife and the precious loving and strong hands of grandmother Áurea. In the beginning of a new life she was always there. Mother was lucky for having her.

     We were both born in January, the first air we breathed was the cold air of Winter. So we could only seek the warming sun. Spring wasn’t very far and that first Spring surely brought us the first of many moments of amazement, fulfillment and freedom. It was as if it was given to us the privilege of being born before that rebirth, to behold the eternal renewal of life at the dawn of our lives. In your first Spring you saw the blooming city gardens reawakening the joy of living. In my first Spring I saw the immense blooming mountain fields creating the most amazing painting of colours and sensations. Those fields fulfilled my soul with beauty and gave me the first impression of my fragility and tininess. I was just one more being amongst the untamable energy of the wild around and the universe beyond. The awareness of this process outside and within only came much later, but that first unconscious perception was surely decisive in our lives.

     You were born in the middle of the afternoon; I was born at the beginning of the night. Perhaps that’s why I always felt there was a second day within the day; a new day that always begins at nightfall. Perhaps that was why, when I was 4, 5, 6 I would wait until everybody fell asleep to get up again, very silently, and crawl around the house… to do nothing special, just to be there, feeling life, watching the moonbeams reflection through the curtains. Everything was peaceful and magic, a secret world of myself within the vast world of everybody. Watching my own hands dancing with the moonbeams was just the first stage of an endless creation of simple magic moments, with no other purpose besides the beauty of the moment. Moments out of time that remain until today. I still watch my own hands dancing and building multiple realities in the air. 

     When I remember the different places and ways we were born, I think that maybe that’s one of the reasons why I never had any ambitions, only dreams and missions. I never wished to possess nothing material in special or accomplish high social or professional objectives in life. Never cared or worried about having success or get recognition for this or that reason. It was exactly the opposite. It was as if I was always trying to pass unnoticed, just flowing naturally in time and life as any other natural thing. It was as if I wasn’t entirely human, more like a plant, a cloud, the wind, the birds or the waters of the ocean. That sensation still remains and still is very reassuring. 

     You had some concrete ambitions and accomplished some of them. When you were 6 you already wished to have a big house with a big garden and a big swimming pool… I always felt strange and awkward in expressing what I wanted. I only wanted to be alive, free and walking under the sun until the end of time… and, of course, learn, always learning everything. Now, how can anyone say this out loud, even a small child, without seeming a little crazy…? Yes, they thought there was something crazy about me. And they still say that I seem to float over reality the most of the times. Some years later I understood perfectly why but I didn’t stop being this way. What I see in front and around me is always the same thing, a magnificent bright path that always leads me to the sun. The sun isn’t beyond the path, it isn’t a final destination; it’s a constant companion that keeps walking by my side, in the brightest and in the darkest days of my life. It is still so mysterious to think that in those three days of Winter and beginning of Spring, when you, mother and father went away, the sun seemed to be shining brighter than ever. What more proof do I need to know that he’s always travelling by my side?

     Spring is knocking on my door in this earthly ground and at your door in the stars too. I wonder how is your Spring… Here, she walks slowly with her new dress of buds and colorful flowers. She’s like grandmother Áurea, loving, fragile and strong at the same time. She shows me again and again how everything changes without changing. Endless cycles of recreation that bring new energy and light to the old matrix of each soul. Stages and stages of perfection, time after time. Total perfection doesn’t exist, only stages of perfection. That’s why I know that the cycles within are also endless, an endless journey in life and time, here and among the stars. 

     I began to compile aphorisms in a notebook around 6. Some were quotations about something that I considered interesting or important, others came from my head. At 8 I wrote there: “Always do what is more difficult to do” and “Do well even the most insignificant thing”. I heard father repeating these words many times. I know I said I had no ambitions… but when I think about the ideas and principles that guided me since my childhood, I think that probably I am extremely ambitious… or perhaps I’m just an incorrigible idealist and dreamer. Well… on the other hand, perhaps not… If I wish that the days had 500 hours I also wish simple things like breathing pure air, walk in the sun or eat tasty strawberries… That’s a kind of ambition too, the ambition of a simple mind with a simple life like mine. Possible and impossible wishes and dreams, all stages of perfection…

       

APLLES FROM THE SKY


Don’t stop, you say
You ask me poems to breathe
Earthly air with cosmic senses
Apples from the apple trees
You left behind…
They’re still growing in every season
Upside down… the right way!
I know as you know
The roots are in the stars.
The fruits grow upon my head
Ripen, sweet and juicy
And never fall on the ground.

Strange new seasons
Those you brought to me
Things change constantly without changing
A new freedom envelops the senses
Not five, nor even one thousand
Inner reality is beyond all numbers
No time or need to fear time
No time left behind
No time or need to set or tame the clocks
Just now, an endless now,
Without beginning or end.
Now is always a beginning
An endless beginning… without end.

In the purest fountain
I wash your apples from the stars
With light thoughts and light hands
And while I taste the immaterial taste of this wisdom
I look around the soil, known and unknown
To find each and all the apple trees
You left behind
Voyager and gardener, you left your legacy
In the shape of apple trees
It was I who told you to plant them, until the end
It is I who eats the fruits
Within they become dreams
And dreams always become poems.

Don’t worry, I won’t stop
Life never stops, here or among the stars
Travelling sparkles of life-light.
Some things are meant to last forever
Some things are meant to last until the end of time
And time has no end.
I know as you know
Perfection doesn’t exist
That’s why we seek and find it
Time after time in so many new ways
Now is the beginning
Stages and stages of perfection
Season after season
Of hard and rewarding inner labor
That’s why we are mortal and immortal
Because we are not perfect
We just have perfect dreams
And that’s enough to follow the stages
Light and soft is our path
Because we know where we are going
Now, in each now, we only need to know how
We know how… now we know
This is only and always the beginning
Isn’t life perfect, after all?

São Ludovino, 17/2/2015 - 3:27 a.m.

Stages of Perfection I, photography by São Ludovino.

 Really Pure I, photography by São Ludovino.

 First steps of Spring IX, photography by São Ludovino.

Countdown to the shiny days II, photography by São Ludovino. 

 Life within life I, photography by São Ludovino.

Rythms of Time III, photography by São Ludovino. 

Bringing more light I, photography by São Ludovino. 

Simply shining III, photography by São Ludovino. 

Simply shining V, photography by São Ludovino. 

First steps of Spring III, photography by São Ludovino. 

One more life in life II, photography by São Ludovino. 

Stages of perfection II, photography by São Ludovino. 

Still growing II, photography by São Ludovino. 

 Still growing IV, photography by São Ludovino.

The day within the night I, photography by São Ludovino. 

Soul Mirrors I, photography by São Ludovino. 

Inner Labour I, photography by São Ludovino. 

Roof of clouds in the jungle II, photography by São Ludovino. 

 Painting winter skies I, photography by São Ludovino.

 Conversation in the Forest I, photography by São Ludovino.

 A Place to Shine I, photography by São Ludovino.

The Strength of Dreams II, photography by São Ludovino. 

A Bridge in the Forest I, photography by São Ludovino. 

 Ages after ages I, photography by São Ludovino.

 A star is born I, photography by São Ludovino.

Butterfly home I, photography by São Ludovino. 

Butterfly home II, photography by São Ludovino. 

Butterfly home III, photography by São Ludovino. 

Twin dreamers II, photography by São Ludovino. 

 In all seasons I, photography by São Ludovino.

 Circle of life III, photography by São Ludovino.

 Petrified dreamer I, photography by São Ludovino.

Winter companion, photography by São Ludovino. 

 Winter companions, photography by São Ludovino.

A place to live, photography by São Ludovino.

LIGHT WORKS

     Today isn’t a happy day… You went away, precisely on this day, four years ago, my brother… It’s hard to believe four years passed. Inside time doesn’t pass, just flows. All times flow together in one. So you are still here and you will be. So many times I wanted to put your things here… you left me thousands of images… and I lost almost everything. I have many of those images in my mind.

     Today, I know exactly what I would post here; one of those short movies with fireworks. You loved fireworks, you loved all kinds of light; we were enchanted with light since we were very small children. We always liked more the sea and the wild than the big city, but there wasn’t much light in those immense mountain fields… except the magical light of the sun, the moon and the stars, closer to us than in any other place.

     Do you remember those strange lamplights by Douro river in Porto? The first time we noticed its effect on colour we weren’t more than five. I remember very well the first night that happened. There was that floating restaurant-bar boat on the dock and a long row of very high lamplights. And there were white and blue lights around the boat and the wood bridge to enter into the boat. All things seemed bathed in a soft orange-blue fog. It was the vapor rising slowly from the waters of the river, the smoke from the bars and restaurants and from the cars of the ambulant sellers of “farturas” (“fritters”).

     On that night we were wearing clothes of the same colour as it used to happen many times; different clothes but with the same colour. Probably that was one of the reasons why some people used to think we were twins. You had a blue pullover and I had a jacket exactly of the same blue. After fifteen minutes walking there, something strange began to happen. I looked at you and said “Look! Your pullover has turned orange!” And you shouted back “And your jacket is red now!” Well, you were always a little bit color blind… When I looked at my own jacket I saw it orange too and then red and later it was almost brown. I remember I became sad and worried because I really liked that blue jacket exactly as it was… and I thought I had done something wrong to cause that change of colour, perhaps walking too close to the fog and smoke. But then I saw mother looking at us and she said nothing. So I thought that only we were able to see the change of colour. Well all colors were changing gradually. Mother and father clothes were a different color too. When we asked them about what was happening to our clothes they said that was natural, it was the effect of the lights on our eyes not on our clothes; they said they still were exactly the same colour, only we couldn’t see it.

     It was hard to believe because I felt nothing strange in my eyes… only when I looked a second and third time to the same thing I felt some invisible illusionist was making some trick… It had to be magic in that, so why was everybody ignoring it? Yes, what we believe in shapes reality!

     When we returned home our clothes still didn’t look blue… they were looking more or less orange. And in spite mother repeated the same explanation, I went to bed thinking that either someone was hiding something in that story or there was really magic involved.

     The next morning, when I woke up the first thing I did was verify the colour of my jacket… It was blue again, exactly the same blue it was before that night walk by the river! I felt happy and released. Things were right again. Magic, yes, but not hidden and completely out of control. If my jacket was meant to change color, I wanted to be the magician not the rabbit in the hat. So I tried the “trick” of changing color with many things. I concentrated intensely in a thing (the blanket, the curtain, the walls, plants, hair, the sky…) and the color would change… and my eyes would hurt. So I didn’t repeat that many times after… but I still make a “magic trick” in summer when I’m in the beach. I lie on the sand and close my eyes, then open them only one millimeter looking to the infinite blue sky. Through that narrow fringe between the eyelashes is possible to see rainbows, mainly if the eyelashes are wet. Simple magic! Magic is simple if you believe it and do it the right way. It’s a pity I can’t apply it to many things and many eyes. Some eyes are not really able of seeing rainbows… some minds never find the simple magic within.

     I know that from up there you always know what’s happening here. When it is worth you stare and smile. When it is ugly you wave your head sadly and follow your walk among the stars. Three weeks ago I saw you covering your eyes and turning your head in other way. Yes, those mad fanatical did it again. This time they attacked in Paris with extreme violence. Every day hundreds of attacks like these are stopped before they are perpetrated. They always say they come in the name of a god or a prophet… we know they only come in the name of their blindness and lethal madness. Strange conception of god… god is the product of human and inhuman minds. Good human beings imagine a kind merciful god… monsters can only imagine a monster that despises life and tell them to kill and destroy… And while this happens in this tiny orb spinning in the Cosmos, god remains silent, untouchable and unknown in his wholeness. The universe is crying because in the most beautiful orb in the Cosmos exist such monsters and such madness…

     You know I always had many causes and missions and sometimes I can’t just turn my head the other way. I have to do something even if it is insignificant and irrelevant. I did it on 9 /11 (when they attacked in New York, 2001), I did it on 3 /11 (when they attacked in Madrid, 2004) and in many other times and other situations. Since the American embassy is in the back of my school and the Spanish embassy is just 500 yards away, it’s still difficult to understand why I was the only person who did something. In 2001, I just took a big bouquet of flowers and wrote a message in the book of condolences in my name, mother’s name and Luzia’s name… she was only 4… In 2004, I asked my students to write about those events… some did it and some didn’t. The next day I went to the Spanish embassy with a small group of students and deliver those texts and poems and a bouquet of flowers. It was a very simple act… but a few days later that come in a newspaper… only the new was completely distorted. They were saying that the “school” had manifested its support and solidarity to the Spanish embassy. Well the direction of the school did nothing; I was the only one who did something and made no publicity of my action. It’s still shocking to think about that. People talk a lot but do nothing… and some even say the most wrong things in those situations, ignoring the victims and all the violence involved. A few days later, the secretary of the embassy went to my school to deliver a personal invitation. Some more days later, I and a small group of students were received at the embassy and I was very touched for their gratitude. I just did a very simple thing that my heart and mind tell me to do and they were treating me as if I had done something grand.

     After the attacks in Paris (January 7, 2015), again no one moved a finger. But I did and I’m still doing it… On the night after the attacks I collected a few cartoons and photos and made a post with a comment on Google+. Then I began drawing and making lots of research. Well, you know my anthological spirit… In the last weeks, after work I stood until very late collecting images and testimonies. I have more than 1 500 now. I’ve been sleeping between 2 and 4 hours each night and I’m very near my limits… I must stop now. Besides it’s very wearing to merge into that dark world… fortunately along the way many of those cartoons made me smile and laugh. But I saw and read much more than cartoons. Almost nothing is entirely new to me, but travel through that mad dark world of fanaticism and extreme violence left me weak, almost ill… I really need to go back to my bright inner world and things. I hope I’ll have the strength to organize everything and make a post at the end of February. I left behind many things that I was doing to pay attention to this… and I still hope that someone cooperates with me. I asked some teachers and students to draw and / or write about this issue… Some promised they would do it… I’ll wait until the end of February. I only made half a dozen of drawings and I wanted to do more… but only after a break. I have so many more things to do, bright things… I’m trying to draw a frontier between that dark world and my bright things… 

     Frrrrrrrrrrrooooooooonnnnnnnnnttttttttttttiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeerrrrrr! It’s done! I can see the fireworks above our heads! You’re making silly comments and shouting sonorous exclamations of enthusiasm… as if that rain of light could really wash from this world all its miseries and atrocities… At least while we are here, it does! Light always works! The line and motto remains the same: “Only light and love are real!” I know you are pronouncing these same words right now. I can hear the stars whispering and echoing these words across the Universe… If there is a god, he has no other face and no other voice than this… and this is everything…

Lightbath II, photography by São Ludovino.

Always on the clouds I, photography by São Ludovino.

Always on the clouds II, photography by São Ludovino.

Better upon the clouds, photography by São Ludovino.

Sunbath II, photography by São Ludovino.

In the Winter's Sun III, photography by São Ludovino.

Sunbath I, photography by São Ludovino.

Across the sky, photography by São Ludovino.

One more cup of life, photography by São Ludovino.

Sunbath IV, photography by São Ludovino.

Heralds of dawn I - detail, photography by São Ludovino.

A Home for the Light I, photography by São Ludovino.

Lightbath I, photography by São Ludovino.

Light within the light II, photography by São Ludovino.

Circle of life, photography by São Ludovino.

Forever young I, photography by São Ludovino.

Forever young II, photography by São Ludovino.

 Untitled Song II, photography by São Ludovino.

Untitled Song IV, photography by São Ludovino.

Untitled Song VI, photography by São Ludovino.

Spending the days, photography by São Ludovino.

Flying feet, photography by São Ludovino.

Lightness I, photography by São Ludovino.

Sleep serene and warm III, photography by São Ludovino.